Monday, 11 December 2017
Your fingers brushed up against mine as i tried to hold on for the last time.
You've not been gone so long and i already miss how much you glow.
Staring at the pane of the window, my pain is reflected to me in full view.
Who'd tell the story 'bout me and you.
I guess there really was no 'us' without our little feuds.
It's really super crazy how i miss you.
When I'm hanging with my guys, the words rolling down my lips infer that i diss you.
It's a sham...a facade well painted to conceal my weakness.
This love/hate thing, i really got no words to explain.
To put it plainly, I probably hate that I love you dearly.
It's really a strange feeling, like I've been saying...i can only put it barely.
That's why these days I'm having conversations with the beer bottles.
To numb the pain, 'coz I never want to feel dumb again.
To your eyes I brought the rain.
Back when i looked upon you with disdain.
I said to myself, "this is gonna be a smash-grab mission".
"Get in and get out", like a nigga whose got a dope pull out game.
Never did I know that I'd never stay the same.
You came into my life and took over my brain.
You became the warden who directed the traffic of my thoughts.
"Babe who's calling?","who's that nigga that caught you while you were falling".
Trust me, never in my life had i been so over-protective.
Snooping through your phones trying to detect things...I guess you could conclusively say that I became a detective.
That's just to let you know how far I fell.
All the corny shit I did my lips can't even tell.
It's so hard to imagine the one I love the most is not here right now.
In the beginning, who would have thought we'd break our vows.
But here we are, standing on each side with broken promises in our hands.
Not too long ago we kissed as the sun set, feet deep in beach sand.
How did it go south?
I guess no one knows the answer.
Arrrggh!! how I want you back!
How I yearn for your smile, your deep dimples and your radiance that lights up about a mile.
Instead I'm stuck here...I'm soliloquizing.
Wishing I could take back the hands of time...everyday I've been playing that R.kelly's song.
I still percieve your fragrance on my jean jacket you wore on the night of our anniversary.
I never knew I was my own adversary.
Me vs me and I f#cked up.
I don't even wanna put no blame on you...I'm Akon on this...the whole blame's on me...damn! a nigga f#cked up.
I've lost a rare gem, now all these precious stones are worthless to me.
I don't even know what's next.
I still spend my time reading up on your love texts.
I'm that hung on you, it'll be hard to get you out of my system.
Coz these days every girl seems to look like you, talk like you, smile like you...like f#cking MTN, you're everywhere i go.
You're my best connection... to life and everything it symbolizes.
If I say I fit live without you...e mean say I don dey lie since.
All I hope for is that you forgive me my sins, but then, the probability is thin.
Hence this is not a time to man up, I'm letting the tears flow freely.
Forever cursing my mistakes, and the things i should have done ideally.
I curse 'em...I f#cking do!!
Wednesday, 15 November 2017
Zoning in and Zoning out.
Gliding through the sky and piercing clouds.
Drifting... In and Out.
Deaf... to all of the screams and shouts.
It's crazy how the motions are slow.
Vision so skewed... do i see the 7 dwarfs and she who is white as snow.
There's a spin and it feels like I'm on a Merry go... yet it's still all slow.
F#ck! when did i start using glo?
...Someone said hi? ... F#ck it, he said I'm high.
Hearing in twos... laughing out loud, calling other n#ggas fools.
It's a washed up feeling and even beneath my laughter you can hear me tell the truth.
You can hear the pain or joy... you can get beneath the matter... you can go straight to the roots.
It might be the alcohol but the hidden contents of my heart are coming to the fore.
With a gait as wobbly as 'Jackie' in that 'Drunken master' movie flick.
I see all of earth's beauty... and all of its strong allure.
But then i see its bullshit... the hypocrisy and blood rush... more than a hardened d#ck.
I seriously don't like what i hate.
What's with politicians hoarding that cheese cake.
If God provided the 'dough' since existence, shouldn't we be allowed to taste the bread? or atleast be given an equal opportunity to bake it.
I wonder why alot of these 'youngins' fake it.
But then i remember when these old n#ggas said "thw future is yours so take it"...Same muhf#ckers snuck through the back and took it.
They say A, B, C in front of the press and do X, Y, Z behind the curtains when the pressure is less.
Same n#ggas say "as soon as you through with school forward your CV"
Same n#ggas pull a Ronaldinho without the accuracy... we already know issa 'no look pass'.
I always wondered what greatness felt like, till i realised it was to be seized not asked for.
What is the truth? Two different perspectives analyzed from one corner?
Or a biblical derivative of the man in white...who seats up high in one corner?
All this introspection... can they correct my psychology in retrospect.
These days it's hard to find a person who is worth my respect.
Sometimes i tell myself "beware!!! ...These ladies would blind you with their sexy short red skirts.
But then the life of most young men is to 'skrrr skrrr' around Lekki.
They just want to hit tha club...find a light skin/ebony beauty... before spending the night hitting it.
Mans not hot... yet all mans does is emit heat.
So much pressure to make it.. yet bereft of the knowledge in recognizing opportunity and knowing how to embrace it.
Oh! how have the mighty fallen... my head is crestfallen as i sip my lean.
So much panic once they are taken from the breast they suckle and put on wean.
This life though... it could be so mean.
Alot of people living off their knees.
More of the lot at the doors of offices begging please.
Hand to mouth... how did things f#cking go south.
Half of the country are on instagram... slay queens with their lips on pout.
The other half are probably political touts.
I take a long f#cking sip and i realize I'm also a product of this failed system.
I'm confused by the government and their often ambiguous terms.
I'm just a 5 ft plus 'youngin' trying to just serve.
Serve my country to it's fullest honour.
All it keeps doing is having my tongue sour.
What's theirs isn't ours, we both share the suffering hence what's yours is mine.
The Sun is hot as f#ck, but in naija the money tree only shades a few.
That's why recently ethanol is my shining light, probably it doesn't drown my sorrows... atleast it keeps me from feeling blue.
Sunday, 29 October 2017
"It's a hard knock life for us".
An excerpt from a Jay-Z chorus.
Hard knocks on a daily, that's why 16 year old Tessy would hang herself because of bad grades.
Truth is... it's all vain, and like a power point slide... these things do fade.
Most times they don't matter, but every time we do.
14 year old Tessy is depressed. .
Mama wants her top of her class... but she's only two percent away.
Papa is red with rage, "aren't you and Kemi of the same age?... Why then does she put you to slay".
Next term Tessy plunges further down the ladder... Her concentration shaken by the fear of mama's deafening scream and papa's whip.
Tessy breaks down and weeps.
Her orientation on success has been skewed.
She languishes at the doldrums of zero confidence.
She veers off the road to success, on the vehicle of mama's ineptitude and papa's stupidity... what a mess!
Tessy has a golden voice and Adele would be impressed.
Crooning "never thought i'd find someone like you" in her room.
Mama barges in like " have you read your books?, Is it singing that will make you carry first? "... Mama gives no fucks 'bout the talent of her daughter, it's all swept under with a broom.
The nukes in Tessy's mind have gone boom!!!
She's caged by a lack of expression.
Failed by her inactions... chastised for her actions.
Life tastes like vinegar.
Tessy was meant to be a star... Just that the brewing process got fucked up.
At 16 Tessy is gone... swinging side to side... beneath the silence you can hear her dreams and aspiration crashing amidst the rhythmic sound of a pendulum clock.
Oh! Good bye Tessy.
The sad truth is you will not be missed.
No one gives a fuck these days even with the advent of contraceptives.
Highest is a candle light procession, fake tears here... "Yekpa!" and "ahh!" over there.
Yet there are still a ton of people who can't challenge the status quo... they wouldn't even dare.
Lanre is 19 and loves to write.
Pops says he must be a Dokita, you know that kind thing when popsy is always right.
Mercy is 21 and loves operating under the hoods of automobiles.
Momsy shouts "are you normal!!", "o ni koba mi o"...words that drive away mercy's smiles.
So dearest Tessy where ever you might be chilling in the afterlife.
Know that you'll get company soon.
The cankerworm has eaten deep... forks, plates and spoons.
What is dead shall never die!!
In truth what is dead is gone... and even those that killed it don't give a fuck!! 😒
Monday, 23 October 2017
She flexed against the bonds and although the cuffs are firm, the insides are lined with sheepskin and very very soft-no marks against her beautiful skin.
I pressed the remote in my hands and i could see the sweat bead on her skin.. The vibrations roved deep in her ass.
She bucked and shook on the bed, but she refused to make any sound. I grinned. "You're not going to win this baby.." I laughed cockily.
I can imagine the spray of sensation happening to her right now. I could imagine she never expected it.
Her cunt was dripping pearly fluids and i saliently teased her opening. She looked into my eyes with fire dripping from them and i could see her will beginning to break.
He was the hottest guy ever was. I met him online- Instagram, to be precise. That day was the most awful work day ever- I was super tired and just wanted to crash.
I put some rice in the microwave to cook and i was browsing on my phone when i decided to go through my Direct messages.
I saw a lot of messages there and almost declined all, - they were all nasty, when my eyes caught one.
"I'd love to know you" it said. I paused and clicked on it. I browsed through his profile, but didn't see any images of him.
This caught my attention- I'm used to seeing guys upload their pictures and i replied his message.
Turned out he was online. The rest is history. He got to really know me. The deepest darkest recess of my mind,yet i didn't know what he looked like.
His voice was smoky dark and i always pictured someone very dark. He whispered sweet nonsense into my ears at night through the phone and seduced nudes out of me.
I send him pictures of my tits, cunt, deep inside my pussy and anything he wants. I was he slave.
He could have me at his whim, yet, i didn't know what he looked like. I became addicted to him and my day was not complete if we didn't communicate - it was the absolute online obsession.
This might be a cliché, but i fell in lust with her the moment i saw her profile. She's almost plain - but with big wide innocent looking eyes.
I dripped cum all over my bedsheets every time because of her. I jacked my cock off raw to images of her.
She was my absolution. My obsession. I saw her innocence and wanted to corrupt her. Absolutely.
I refused to send her any images of me. I wanted to envelope her mind. I want to enslave her mentally. I could be anybody, Yet nobody.
I sat between her legs and gently rotated the vibrator in her ass. She almost moaned and i grinned.
I suddenly pulled it out and screwed it back in.. and shoved my tongue up her cunt.
Finally, he agreed to meet me. I'd given all myself to him and received almost nothing in return.
I will follow him to the ends of the world i thought. I got an alert of a huge amount of money with a text message stating simply-
"Crystal Estate, House 211, continental, Abuja."
I didn't waste any time. I booked a flight to Abuja that night and got a taxi that dropped me right in front of his house.
Now, colour me Red. I was astonished. Don't judge me, but this man absolutely enslaved my mind. He could have been a serial killer or ritualist, but I was willing to follow my instincts and trust him.
"Ever had your ass eaten out..?" her eyes widened.
I slipped my mouth up her taint and licked up her ass crack. Her eyes strained wide..
"mmmfphhh" she moaned.. I shoved my tongue up her ass and thrust my fingers up her cunt.
Her restraints broke. She screamed wild into the high heavens and i grinned. She lost. She's going to marry me.
I entered the house and was impressed. Cool, clean lines. Abstract art. Beautiful patio. And the most gorgeous man ever.
He made me feel super conscious of my self. I'm not super beautiful or anything, but i felt it keenly that moment.
He engulfed me, and that was the end.
I split apart as the feelings roved me. I came and came.
"you came, tasha. You lost the bet, baby." I caught my breath.
He loosened the restraints, I sat up on the bed. "Give me a chance to make you lose control" He burst into laughter.
"I can never lose control. There's nothing u can make me do." he said.
I felt a mixture of confidence and meekness. I'm going to break him.
My pulse is pounding. So is my cock. I look at her and wonder what the fuck she’s thinking.
She urges me down onto my back, and I do it. I’m finding I’ll do almost anything she wants.
With one hand on my thigh, as if she has the strength to keep me down, she reaches behind her, and I watch curiously as she pools some of my warming lubricant in her palm.
If she thinks riding me will somehow make me lose control, she’s wrong, but it would feel fucking good.
I need to discipline her for disobeying, but I’m too curious to do anything but lie and watch her. I can punish her afterward. She lost already, i don't know what point she's trying to prove.
I watch with hooded eyes as she reaches for my cock. It throbs in anticipation of her touch.
Her hand hovers above me, and her eyes hold onto mine. “Can you trust me, too?” she whispers.
My heart hammers. What? She looks down, and I feel her knuckles graze my balls.
She rolls them in her palm, and I groan. Fuck; I may come vanilla style if she keeps on kneading them like that.
I jerk as her mouth closes around my cock and she starts to suck me off. My breaths quicken and the pressure building in my cock is making me want to be inside her pussy.
Her finger trails down my taint, and I’m so fucking horny, I grab the back of her head and push myself deeper down her throat.
I don’t meet many women who can take all of me, but tasha's damn near close. I start to pant…just like a fucking dog.
And then I feel her hand rove over my cock, balls, and down below, leaving a trail of tingly lube in its wake.
She teases my ass, and I start to tell her ‘no’; I’m not an assplay guy, not with my ass, anyway. The next heartbeat, she’s trying to push in.
I tense against her, lift my hips a little. “Tasha, no." I couldn't explain the sensation coursing through me.
“Please.” I grit my teeth. I can’t do this. Not even for her. Except she keeps going.
She wiggles her small fingertip inside, and a shudder rips through me. Breathe, I tell myself.
I sure as fuck never have done thus before. The next breath, and I know I can’t.
“Fuck.” She sinks her finger in, and the muscles in my lower belly start to tremble. “Tasha…” “Hold on,” she whispers.
She leans down and takes my cock back in her mouth, but I can’t let her keep it there.
I shift my hips, I shove my palm against her forehead; I don’t know how the fuck this happened, but I—“OH FUCK! Tasha FUCK!”
I wrap my hand around her head and sink my fingertips into her scalp as my ass lifts off the bed. “Oh fuck, oh fuckkkkkkk!”Her…finger…“Shit!”
She sucks my cock deeper into her throat, and I see fucking stars. Her finger straightens out again, and the tip of it—“FUCK! FUCK!—fuck me.”I think I feel her throat shake with laughter, but there’s no way to know for sure.
All my senses—all five plus that extra fucking one, the madness or whatever the fuck—are focused on her little fucking finger.
“What’s it…” What’s it DOING? I gasp as she brushes something deep down in my ass that feels…fucking incredible.
All I can hear is my own panting as she pushes further into me, and pleasure, so intense it almost feels like pain, makes my dick and balls hard as a fucking rock.
I’m panting, groaning. “Leah. Oh fuck. Leah.” I clutch her head with both my hands. “It…” feels so good.“ Oh God.
Her finger in my ass—I fucking hate it. But what she’s doing… Panting. Whatever the fuck she’s…Jesus… I don’t fucking know but—She brushes a little harder against it and I swear to God, my body lights up like a fucking star.
“FUCK!” The fucking pleasure keeps on…shooting through me. I grind into the bed.
I push against her, unable to believe this feels this way. I thrust my dick into her throat and…explode…in a tidal wave of violence.
Fucking. Bliss. Sometime when my brain turns ‘on’ again, I lift my eyes open.
Tasha perched in front of me, wearing nothing but the teddy, sitting with her hands on her knees.
Her mouth tucks up into a little smile. I smile back at her, and then I feel her settle beside me; a second later, she starts to stroke my arm.
"You screamed like a woman, nick. We are even now." she lilted.
"Yes baby." I winked.
She's my raw desire.
Sunday, 22 October 2017
I have a dream but i can't close my eyes to see it.
I've worked too hard... my sweat hit the earth yet i can't germinate through this land.
Don't ask me why, 'coz lately the only letters i see are W-H-Y.
I often ask myself why i can't hit the sky.
And when people ask me "what's up?" i can't help but tell a lie.
I'm bothered by this lack of growth.
Somebody tell me what has happened to the seed i've sown?
Welcome to my vineyard, where my grapes only make sour wine.
So stuck in this waiting game, i pray the coach subs me out and signals an end to my time.
Till then let me keep telling y'all this story, wrapped in poetry and tied in a bow with my tearfully written rhymes.
The thing is... I've been far from the ordinary, yet it seems i can't add the extra, hung in transition between two superlatives.
What do i do if these lemons don't make lemonade?
What do i do if I never make the grade?
From a phobia of failure to an affinity for it.
Now i seat legs crossed... across a table from it.
Despite looking at the menu, I've observed table manners while dining with it.
It's like having that friend that pisses you off come around every time.
It's like having that bad date last from 4 till 9.
Success please would you be mine?
I'll drop down on a knee and give you rings till you finally pickup.
Till you take me away in cuffs.
Coz i know they speak 'bout me with scorn, in their voice i can hear them scoff.
All i ask is for my hay to be made now that my sun shines.
All i ask for is clarity, else i slip down these stairs so fast like i was going down a landslide.
Gone are the days when i was awesome, everything i touched went gold especially my indeliberate actions... but now where has my midas touch gone?
Please would you come back, I mean life's been flipped without you.
Now i see the other side, alone on this new island washed ashore by the rivers tide.
The breeze ruffles the trees and reality feels so virtual.
Am i gonna be stuck here forever? or do i need to perform a ritual?
I know my hope should be strong, but i can't help but despair.
The situation chokes, figuratively i gasp for air.
I've strived for so long without results that i guess the best option is to hang my boots...that should atleast take away the pain.
But do Quitters ever win? i guess not.
Coz i don't know how long i can keep up.
Everything around me seems so woozy... like my world spun so fast and came to a sudden stop.
Dear Lord... i think it's time for you to put the cherry on top.
Expunge my sins and exorcise my demons.
Guess i need prayers from both the Muslim clerics and the christian monks.
I have fought a great fight, all i need now is a glorious victory.
Haven't I? or do i not merit it?
Pain is relative... i feel like Cassius Clay used my head as a punching bag for an insane training session.
I feel it everyday... yet I've refused all drastic measures.
You don't want to know how i feel when i can't take dinosaur leaps forward.
Success seems like fiction fiction and everything is Jurassic.
Onwards together yet i feel left behind.
I'm out here in the open o! before they start saying i like to hide.
Give me what's mine, i demand to be satisfied... like a horny woman whose lover sexual drive is fried... i would not be neglected anymore else i bring the house down.
I'm here to swap this thorny crown with that of perfumed roses.
Ain't leaving here without a fight hence i roll up my sleeve.
Life is short... Life is brief.
I've spent my youth in pain, God forbid that
I'm past my prime... only a few people would say the same.
They size me up, their eyes spelling the word disdain.
It's insane... would kicking the bucket have been better than mishandling the cups?... my tears roll down my cheek as i cry over spilled milk.
Forever cut from a different cloth, a king in clothing not made from silk.
Hopefully form is temporary and class is permanent.
Or maybe I've had turkey as i washed it down with this cup of suffering.
At least my lord Jesus didn't shy away from it.
I let my faith cling to his words on the cross... "It is finished".
That he gave up the ghost means my suffering is diminished... and that's word!
Friday, 13 October 2017
My eyes squint open when I feel someone tapping me gently. Slowly recovering my vision, I
notice Tucker, crouching in front of me. I quickly hug him, not caring if he was mad, I really
needed a hug from him, “Tucker, I’m sorry”
He lifts me up, “I know, you said that in all of your voice messages.”
Dad left this morning and no one found out I snuck out last night, Tucker had dropped me
off so early in the morning, it was still dark and I knew neither Dad nor Nate would be
awake. The only person that woke up really early was Mom and she wakes everyone up,
now that she’s gone, we set an alarm and if not, we sleep in.